1 I was sent wandering lost and confused down the dark chasms of my mind and despair swept over me.

2 My skin torn and strength broken
I waver and stumble
I drop to a knee

3 I stand in the tower of my loneliness
My voice is drowned by the landscapes of my solitude
I cry aloud into the void and the silence deafens me
The darkness wraps its wings around me like a dove
The storms fury embraces me

4 God is good, life is tough, expect no more.

5 All I can say is that Jesus reigns and God is in control even when my world isn't.

Christianity and Politics

On Thursday from 9 there will be a lecture at BCNZ on Christianity and Politics in a course entitled Being Kiwi, Being Christianity. It will consist of an interview with a post-grad student who is doing their post-grad research on this topic. Should be interesting in light of the upcoming election.

Texting communion

Texting communion This is written by one of my lecturers.

Mood = uber good

My thinking as it currently stands

GOD: Everybody wants a miracle, Bruce. Want me to do everything for 'em. But what they don't understand is, they're the one's holding the power.

BRUCE: What if I have a question? What if I need you?
GOD: See Bruce, that's your problem. That's everybody's problem. You keep looking up. . .

Switchfoot Meant to Live
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?

I currently have been trying to write down what I think about humans and God. Here is what my current thinking consists of, this is by no means comprehensive but this is where I currently stand.

I think that humans are a three part unity. Insomuchas we have a body, mind, and spirit (or soul if you prefer) but each of these are not separate but united to form a whole; the heart. Thus I am not my body, mind, or spirit but I am all of these. Therefore hedonism, intellectualism, and spiritualism are right in that they care about the health of one of these aspects but are wrong since they do not focus on the whole person. Possibly there is the need for a greater focus on spiritualism since that is the least "exercised", so to speak, of the human. But this should not be emphasised to the exculsion of the other time such as becoming ascetic. Each of these three should be exercised and cared for equally.

Secondly, my current thinking as to part of why Jesus came and God's principle desire for humanity revolves around John 10:10 "I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." I don't know what this fullness of life is or how it is achievable. This is where we need God because as he is our designer then I think he might have some idea of what the purpose (assuming that purpose implies fullness) of our lives are. By purpose I do not mean some individualistic plan that he has for each of us, making us just cogs in the machinations of God's plan as some want to interpret Jeremiah 29:11 "I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope" as saying. Rather I think that these plans are a general guideline on how to live freely with the Lord. In addition to this I think that "sin" has caused us to fall from this fullness of life. To such an extent that, as I have asserted in the past, if God did not exist I would be a nihilist. I cannot see the point in maintaining my existence if when I died it ultimately meant nothing.

Furthermore, I think that "sin" is ultimately the destruction of relationships. God designed us as a relational being. I think we see humans at there best when they act relationally. When a fireman pulls a baby out of a burning building, when one lays down their life for another I think this is the ultimate expression of humanity at its highest. We were designed for three types of relationships; with God, with others, and with ourselves (as you may have heard ad nauseum before). "Sin" is when we act in a way that is harmful or hurtful to one of these relationships.

In addition to this, I think this relationship to God is misunderstood. I think the fullest expression of God's desire for us comes in John 15:15 "I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends". God does not desire for us to be his servants but his friends. Friends in that he desires to work in partnership with us to bring about the fullness of life in the entire world and for the entire cosmos. For this reason I think that the marriage metaphor in scripture to be one of the strongest metaphors as to the way that God desires to be towards us. As I said in a previous post "I believe that a marriage should be a union which is egalitarian and complimentary. Equals yet performing distinct tasks." In a like manner I think that this could be the type of relationship that God desires from us. That while he is powerful enough to do things alone I think he desires us to help him in the task of the salvation of the cosmos. God desires for us to grow up out of childishness and childlike dependence upon Him into a partner to love and to work alongside Him. That we help Him achieve an ends that both desire, namely the salvation/redemption/restoration of the cosmos.

I have decided that some questions are needless and should not be asked because they question things that we can have no knowledge of. Such as What caused God? How did the universe get here/how old is it? Why is there evil? I think that a lot of time is wasted speculating on matters that have no ultimate bearing on our lives. I would prefer just to say to some of these questions God is. The universe is. Evil is. Deal with it.

Wow

For the second time this year I have been swimming properly (in spite of the fact that I am a lifeguard). I got up at 9 am and went swimming at 10 and as opposed to feeling rooted for the rest of the day after a shower and coffee I felt great. Even though during swimming I was quite embarrassed with my inability. I used to be a competitive swimmer (I even have the ribbons to prove it) but that was along time ago. I got in the pool and while my skill is relatively unabated my stamina is absolutely useless. To the extent that doing 50 m non-stop was all I could manage and in 20 mins I only swam 300 m (that is 12 lengths of the pool). When I was swimming regularly I could swim 400 m non-stop with ease and could even complete 1500 m continuously (this differs from non-stop in that you were allowed to pause on occasion) in under 30 mins. Hopefully if I keep up this then I will at least be able to swim 400 m again non-stop. On top of this for the first time this year I biked to Bridal. It was such a good feeling to be back on a bike. There are few things better than to be biking on a clear day with a good tail wind. After all of this exercise I thought I would be absolutely rooted but I feel better than I have in a while. It clears the brain so well.

Flatting arrangements

I have a friend...(I know what a dramatic revelation I thought I'd just scream it voicelessly across the void of cyberspace)
Sorry I just got slightly carried away.
Anyway she is in her final year of dentistry down in Dunners. She is coming up to Christchurch next year to start 'being a contributing member of society' and is looking for somewhere to flat. She doesn't mind mixed gender flatting and is a Christian. Anyway if anyone is looking for a potential flatmate or knows of someone who is looking for a potential flatmate then get in touch with me. She is actually coming up this weekend for her holidays then I possibly could arrange a meeting.

Life was not designed to be walked alone

and we are not designed to stand against the world on our own. As the body of Christ we are strong. For even the mighty right arm cannot defeat the world if it doesn't have a leg to stand upon. It is so easy to forget the reason that we are in a community of believers who are not competing against each other in the rat race but encouraging one another to finish the race.

My family

After having a recent discussion with a friend and church this morning I have come to realise how awesome my old man really is. I keep forgetting how blessed I am to have 2 loving and strongly Christian parents. I think I'll just say a little about each of the members of my family.

Michael: My Dad. He is an awesome father for a lad to have. He loves me and is proud of me. He thinks I have potential and is disappointed when I don't live up to it. He was saddened by something that I did and confronted me about it. This was difficult but afterwards it highlighted even more for me his love for me and the fact that what I was doing was not beneficial (in fact detrimental) to me and wanted the best for me. He always encourages me but does not push me letting me do things in my own time and in my own way. He occasionally gives me a boot up the arse just to keep me on the track but does not consistently pressure me. In recent years I have found that he has a similar sense of humour to myself which he has repressed all these years while in my company. In being my father I see in him the attributes of God the Father. The unconditional love and the strength and encouragement always pushing to succeed.

Kathy: My Mum. I think I severely undervalue my mummy as well. Everyone who meets her says she is lovely. She is bubbly and happy all the time (so much so that some BCNZ students thought she was a Pentie). She gives out love to everyone consistently and expects the best from everyone. She always pesters me to try to get the best out of me. She keeps me honest in my tertiary work and makes sure that I keep up with my work. She interrogates me about my personal life and leaps to strange conclusions. She comforts me in my distress and is always there to provide emotional support to me. In being my mother I see in her the attributes of God the Mother. The protection from harm, the wrapping up in arms of love, and heartfelt desire to see the best for me.

Ryan: Also known as Brutus, my brother. Those of you who have seen me and him together probably will realise that he is more than my brother but is easily one of my best friends. We haven't always got along so famously but in recent years we have been as thick as thieves. He is awesome and I would go as far to say that he is probably one of the best people at burninations and shoot-downs that I know. He has a slightly warped sense of humour and a slightly bitter and twisted outlook on life. But he has a great heart within him and pushes people to get off their arses and do things for themselves. He doesn't conform to other people's expectations of what should be done but rather does things in his own time and his own way. He has a passion for the Lord and in this regard doesn't care so much for the background theology just so long as it leads to action and not endless debates. He is the chief barrister at Backstage cafe.

Olivia: my sister. She is probably the exact opposite of me. She is a mall rat and a yuppy. She follows fashion trends and obeys its demands. She is strong willed and stubborn. She does not see inherent power structures. She is not in anyway stupid but fears failure. For this reason she won't put effort into anything she might fail at and therefore fails. She does not try and rails against herself and the subject. She will throw a storm in a tea cup but does not long hold grudges. She has a real heart towards animals and animal rights and loves them all (even when screaming at the top of her lungs about spiders will not let us kill them). She is my sister and well do I love her.

WWJD?

Is it more Christian for me to go to evening church (a decent teaching one not one of those which have barely enough teaching to fill a thimble (ie ABC) and it would be better to paganise than to heretic at) or for me to work when they are short staffed because of the Undie?

Movies

Movies I want to watch:
-God Send and the ilk
-Jesus of Montreal
-The Last Temptation
-Night of the Living Dead and the ilk

Movies I have watched in the past week:
-The Locals 8.5/10
-Sin City 4 /10
-The Machinist 8/10

and just like that its over

yet why do I feel more at peace within myself than I have felt all year?

I've fallen in love all over again

NZ Elections 2005

I am intrugued to find out how people think they'll be voting in the upcoming NZ election. Please vote only once.

NZ Elections 2005

NZ Elections 2005 Act Alliance Christian Heritage Destiny NZ Greens Labour Maori Party National NZ First United Future Search The Internet

Other Stuff

The part of my espresso machine which failed has now entered the city all I need to do is pick it up. Yahoo I can return to my regularly scheduled progamming.

Also, I need someone to keep me honest. I have this year picked up a slight spare tire so if anyone is interested in taking up swimming regularly then I think that I can get myself and one other into my pool for free. Good ole' lifeguarding perks.

MSN

I am lazy so if anyone wants to add me to their MSN list then I am the j-rodinator@hotmail.com.

Sleep = the good

Current thinkings coming at some stage in the near future.

Good night monseiur la blog